I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
