youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
