I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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