last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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