I want to walk on stilts...naked
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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