I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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