What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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