i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
