I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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