Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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