I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize