it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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