I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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