Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
