forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
