he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
