You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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