A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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