So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
