I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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