Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
