I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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