I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
