Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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