Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
