I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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