If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
