I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
