is your mom at the bar?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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