she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
