Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
