I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i drank out of a bidet.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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