did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
