He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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