I can text with my tongue
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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