Taylor Swift is so right about you.
North Korea, Best Korea!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
