yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
