my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
