My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
