Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
