we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
