im drinking this country out of the recession.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Say something about gay babies.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize