I puked a lego.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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