Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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