I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
