we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize