Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
