What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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