I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
