you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
