SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
