8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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