You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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