I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
