Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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