Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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