I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
