Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
