just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Umm I'm too high to move.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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