Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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