STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
