The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
