I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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