drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize