you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
