Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
