i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
