I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
be right there i have to get my cape
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
