my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
