Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
