It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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