She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
