my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
