So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
