i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize