Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
