Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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