Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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