Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
