I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Two words: nipple clamps
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