if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
