im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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