Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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