Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
