why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
