Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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