When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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