how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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