they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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