Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
