Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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