So drunk its hurt
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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