the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
