did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
