Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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