Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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