I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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