I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
