I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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