i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
