How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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