Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize