i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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