wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Randomize
