u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
