The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
