I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
