I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
