so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
